Reflections On Life and Turning 30.


I was feeling restless—I’d been feeling restless all day— so I finally gave up trying to fight it and just got in the car and drove. As I left I didn’t know where to go, but I knew if I tried to figure out where to go I would spend all my time thinking and not actually go. So I turned on the car and went.

As I was leaving the driveway I thought about gas and how much it cost, but screw it. Next I started thinking that I should redo my budget. But there was plenty of time for that later. And I didn’t feel like thinking about it anyway.

Soon, though, I left all of that behind and was not really thinking about much. Just driving. And then I ended up here: somewhere on Spinach Creek Road… I think. It doesn’t matter. It’s really quiet and peaceful here; and the view is incredibly beautiful. I can feel my  heart, my whole body, relaxing, finding the kind of rest I need; the kind of rest that allows a person to think (and listen)—to be still; to just be…

I’m 30 today, and for about that last week I have been thinking about my life and where I am; “taking stock of my life” as the saying goes. And truthfully, it doesn’t seem to add up to much.

I moved back to Alaska with just about nothing, and still searching for a “career” (whatever that means). I was hoping to at least have the first draft of my first novel done by today. Instead I find myself pushing to reach 40%.

However, I do have a steady job now, and a regular income, a roof over my head, and food on the table. I have the best family and the best friends who have all been more than generous and kind over the last several years.

So I may be 30 and not have much (according to the world’s standard), but I guess what I do have is enough.

But then, as I sit out on this hilltop meadow, I realized something even more. I have Christ! And that is enough.

Our time on this earth is not about what we can make of our lives in the 70 or 80 years given to us (give or take a few). Our time on this earth, in this fallen,  not yet redeemed world, is about preparation—preparation for the coming Kingdom of the Lord Jesus Christ! And so we must live our lives as laborers preparing this world (or helping to prepare it) for the coming of the King.

And really, compared to this, not much else matters. Yet at the same time, this makes everything matter…


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