Learning Trust and Faith

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I am at a unique period in my life; a season that has not been easy and has required much faith and trust in God. Somehow I have made it this far and God continues to provide for me—just enough to get by. At this point, I know of only one person who reads this blog, but still, for some reason, I feel compelled to share a part of my story with whoever visits the website.

It’s been over a year since I left staff with Campus Crusade for Christ… and since I’ve had a job.  I’ve tried getting a job, but with each application I turn in, the result is the same: nothing. On more than one occasion I’ve sensed God not wanting me to work, but I have applied for jobs anyway. However, more than once, and, even now, I have felt that God has led me into this particular “season” of life for a specific reason; I feel as though he has a specific purpose in mind. But regrettably, in these last 14 months, I have not taken as much advantage of this situation as I could have to really seek out the face of God and learn what he is trying to teach me.

The other night, as I lay in bed thinking about my situation and praying about it, I was struck both by what I did pray to God for and what I did not pray for. I did not ask him why he led me into this situation. Instead, I asked him what he wanted me to learn during this season. Almost immediately Matthew 6:33 came to my mind—“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you.” At that moment, I sensed God telling me not to do anything else, except to take care of my current responsibilities (i.e. my classes and their accompanying homework).

As I thought about that verse, I asked myself the question: what do I seek first in my life? I want it to be God’s kingdom, or at least God himself, and sometimes that is what I seek. But overall, that is not where my thoughts have been. My thoughts have mostly been on myself—specifically on my future. My prayers have been focused predominantly on the question of what God wants me to do with my life and how he wants me to serve him, as if I actually have a skill to offer him! I realized then that I’ve been more worried about how to serve God than I have been about just being with him.

This is a very difficult thing for me because I do not know what I am going to do when this quarter is over, which is about a month and a half away. But God knows what I need (Mt 6:24-32) and if I seek his kingdom first, and his righteousness, he’s promised to take care of all my needs. It takes a lot of faith and trust, but the definition of faith is obedience to God through action (whatever that action is) and then watching him come through.

The next morning I read a tweet that Max Lucado posted and I’ll end this blog post with that. He pointed out a promise God made and exhorted those who read it to heed God and trust him. The verse—the promise—he quoted, and which was exactly what I needed to hear that morning, was Psalm 32:8: “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you” (ESV).

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